Learning to Feel Again

Why Men Struggle to Feel

I have experienced the deep pain of not being allowed to express my true feelings. I got the message early on that it was better to pretend everything was fine—even when it wasn’t. After all, feelings and emotions can get messy, and in my family, we didn’t do messy.

It took me years to understand my emotions without being consumed by them. I’ve learned that I can feel sad without being sadness. But for a long time, my unexpressed emotions created deep scars within me. When I couldn’t speak my truth, those feelings turned inward—into anger, shame, and self-destruction.

Like many men, I numbed myself through drinking, overtraining, and chasing validation. I was disconnected from my true Self, lost in the illusion that strength meant silence.

The Practice of SASHET

Through my own healing journey and years of men’s work, I discovered one of the greatest challenges we face as men: learning to feel again—to express our hearts without fear of being judged or shamed.

At a men’s retreat, I was introduced to a simple yet powerful tool called SASHET, which stands for Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited, and Tender. It’s a framework that helps men name and share what they’re feeling in the present moment—without overanalyzing or apologizing for it.

We now use SASHET in our Men of Presence Sacred Circles, creating a safe space where men can express their truth freely, perhaps for the first time in their lives.

My Personal SASHET

Here’s an example of my own recent SASHET shared with the group:

Sad – because I’ll be farther from my daughter while I spend the winter in Florida. We share such a deep bond, and I’ll miss our closeness.

Angry – about the senseless wars and division tearing our world apart. I long for peace, harmony, and love to guide humanity again.

Scared – as I prepare to release my book, exposing my vulnerabilities to the world, not knowing how it will be received.

Happy – for this new chapter of adventure and growth, exploring the beauty of Florida and skipping the Colorado winter.

Excited – for what Presence Golf and my new book may bring—for the doors that open when I live from Presence.

Tender – seeing my son hold his newborn child, witnessing pure love in his eyes. It opens something raw and sacred in me.

This practice isn’t about fixing anything—it’s about feeling everything with awareness. A Man of Presence learns to meet his emotions with presence and compassion rather than repression or avoidance.

Creating a Safe Space to Be Seen

I’ll be honest—it’s still a work in progress for me. My instinct is to shut down when I feel uncomfortable, to go quiet and isolate. But through patience and practice, I’m learning that it’s safe to be me—to be fully seen, felt, and expressed.

A Man of Presence learns to work skillfully with his emotions, to allow them to move through him without defining who he is. This is what we practice in our Sacred Circles—so we can show up more authentically with our loved ones, friends, and families.

So, brother, I ask you: How are you in expressing your feelings? Do you allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or tenderness without shame? Or have you learned, like I once did, to keep everything on the surface and pretend it’s all fine?

An Invitation to Men of Presence

If you’re ready to reconnect with your emotional truth, I invite you to join a Men of Presence Sacred Circle—a safe and supportive space to practice expressing your authentic self, to be witnessed without judgment, and to remember that you are not alone.

There is no shame in feeling. No weakness in tears. Only the courage to be real.

It’s time for us, as men, to learn how to feel again.

With love and brotherhood,

Troy Ismir

Inner Power Coach, Founder of Men of Presence & Inner Power Collective

Join a Men of Presence Sacred Circle