The Burden of Doing It Right

Perfectionism has a way of sneaking into every corner of our lives—our work, our relationships, and even the games we play for joy. What begins as a desire to do our best often turns into a heavy burden of proving ourselves, living for the approval of others, or trying to control outcomes. 

I’ve lived much of my life under this weight, and golf has been one of my greatest teachers in showing me how perfectionism robs us of freedom.

The following section is an excerpt from my book coming out towards the end of this year titled, Presence Golf: A Sacred Path to Self-Mastery.

The Burden of Doing It Right

One of the most painful traps we tend to fall into as adults is trying to “do it right.” I happened to fall into that trap at a very early age without even knowing it. After all, without the conditioning to “do it right” and meet the expectation of others, children are naturally in tune with themselves.

The innocent child runs, plays, creates, and expresses without hesitation. The unconditioned child doesn’t analyze how he holds a crayon before he draws, he just draws. There is no overthinking of how to throw a ball, it just happens without thought. But as we grow older, we begin to absorb messages about how things should be done.

I learned that when I “did it right,” I was praised. I learned that when I got perfect grades, I was valued. I learned that when I dressed a certain way, I was accepted. I learned that when I played a game the way others expected, I was loved. And so I tried to fit the mold. I tried to be the version of myself that was most acceptable. In doing so, I lost touch with the freedom of being myself.

That same conditioning has followed me onto the golf course. I became obsessed with doing it right—finding the perfect swing, the perfect routine, the perfect way to hit the ball. But what I didn't realize was that perfectionism is a thief. It robs us of spontaneity, joy, and flow. It turns play into pressure.

Besides, who gets to decide what “right” is, anyway? What is right for you may not be right for me. And what is right for me may not be right for you. We get to define our own way of playing, living, and expressing. This is what freedom is.

Golf, at its core, is a game of freedom. Yet, most of us play bound in chains. We let past failures dictate our next shot. We let future fears paralyze our movement. We let other people’s expectations shape how we play.

This is not freedom. This is not joy. This is not how we are meant to experience life.

Be in the Shot

The way out of perfectionism isn’t about lowering our standards or settling—it’s about shifting where we place our attention. Joy comes when we anchor ourselves in the present moment, free from the need to control outcomes or impress anyone. 

On the golf course, that means letting go of the “perfect swing” and simply being with the shot in front of us. In life, it means releasing the need to always “do it right” and instead allowing ourselves to live fully, play freely, and trust that who we are—without all the proving—is already enough.