The Intimate Game

The word intimacy used to make me shudder.

I would let people get close to me—but not too close. Not close enough to really see me. More than once, people have told me I’m hard to get to know. For a long time, I wore that like quiet armor. It kept me safe. It also kept me lonely.

As I continue walking this spiritual path, something has become painfully—and beautifully—clear:

If I am not intimate with myself, it is impossible to be truly intimate with anyone else.

My life is becoming a living practice of Self-love and Self-intimacy. And golf—of all things—has become my dojo for practicing it.

In my book Presence Golf: A Sacred Path to Self-Mastery, I write:

“When we express our love on the golf course, we stop trying to protect ourselves. We show up whole, and we play with a heart wide open—a heart that embraces not just ourselves, but our playing partners, the course and life itself. This is the practice of Self-intimacy: playing and living with passion.”

Self-intimacy requires courage. Real courage.

Because it means turning toward our shadows—the parts of us we’d rather avoid, suppress, or deny. And if we’re honest, it can get uncomfortable down there. Sometimes even ugly.

From my own experience, I know this much: suppressed shadows don’t disappear—they leak. They show up sideways, often in unhealthy ways, until they finally demand to be seen.

The practice of Self-intimacy is the willingness to sit with our own thoughts and emotions without running. It’s staying present when we want to shut down. It’s refusing to abandon ourselves when we make a mistake. It’s making room for the full range of our humanity—joy, shame, grief, passion—without judgment.

Recently, I caught myself judging myself for judging others.

I’ve carried a deeply ingrained habit of judging by appearances. For years, I was relentlessly hard on myself—trying to maintain an image of perfection. And with that standard turned inward, it inevitably turned outward. I found myself judging others by how they look.

That doesn’t feel good to me. And I’m no longer willing to pretend I don’t see it.

Through the practice of Self-intimacy, I’m taking a clear, honest look at this pattern. I’m choosing to step out of judging myself and others—and into seeing what’s real.

The invisible soul.

Mine.

Yours.

Ours.

As Self-love deepens, something beautiful happens: we naturally become more loving toward others. And over time, this practice carries us toward what I believe is our deepest truth—living as unconditional love.

So I’ll leave you with this:

Where are you being harsh with yourself—on or off the golf course? What shadow is asking for your attention, not to shame you, but to be healed?

As we move into a new year, maybe the most powerful “resolution” isn’t about doing more or becoming better.

Maybe it’s this:

Practice Self-intimacy.

Let your chosen arena—golf, work, relationships, solitude—be your dojo.

With deep humility, I am choosing to love my Self more fully.

And I invite you to do the same.