My Greatest Fear

I have had it all wrong. I thought my greatest fear was not being enough. But I’ve come to realize that my greatest fear is that I will shine too bright. That when I show up in all my power, I won’t belong and will feel rejected.

Case in point—last week, playing golf, I was allowing my greatness to shine through. I was in flow state. One under par after four holes. My playing partners kept commenting after every shot:

“You don’t miss.”

I could feel my body getting uncomfortable with their words. I have always shied away from the spotlight. Now I know why. I didn’t feel safe letting my light shine.

“Don’t get too big for your britches.” The voice from the past echoes in my mind.

“Why do you have to do that? Can’t you just be happy not pushing the extreme?”

In other words, why do you have to be you? Be like me so I can feel safe and secure. And that’s what I’ve done my whole life. It’s really jacked up. I’ve kept myself small so others around me don’t feel insecure.

As I hit another beautifully struck tee shot on the fourth hole, one of the guys said, “Another perfectly struck shot, you don’t miss.”

And then the subconscious self-sabotage struck when I commented back, “Just wait and see, I will hit a funky shot before you know it.”

Of course, the seed was planted. On the fifth hole, after another perfect tee shot, I only had seventy yards to the hole. With that doubt planted in my mind, I hit a cold shank to the right. That was the end of being in flow state. The end of allowing myself to be in my own power.

I unknowingly sabotaged myself. "Who am I to play great golf? Who am I to be better than my playing partners? I want to fit in. I don’t want to stand out from the crowd."

And that is so painful to realize. And in the same token, such a powerful realization.

My conditioning as a kid said, “Be perfect,” but not too perfect to make others uncomfortable. A confusing, mixed message I have wrestled with my whole life.

That’s what happened on the golf course. And that’s just one of many examples.

The Cost of Playing Small

Marianne Williamson’s words reverberate loudly in my soul:

“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

And that’s what I have done. I have shrunk back and played small so that other people won’t feel insecure around me. So I can “fit in” and be normal. What is normal, anyway? Normal is fitting into the expectations of others so we can feel loved and accepted. And that is what I did.

But now I have the awareness. The next time I feel myself shrinking back, I can choose to no longer apologize for how powerful I AM. I can step into my inner power and allow my greatness to shine through.

“And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — Marianne Williamson

I have experienced the deep pain of playing small. It hasn’t only hurt me. It has also kept me from glorifying God.

The Shift: From Fear to Power

Matthew 5:16 has always been one of my favorite verses, and yet I have struggled to let my light shine. That is the radical shift I get to make in my life. The shadow is showing me the Light.

“Let your Light SHINE before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.” — Matthew 5:16

Whether I am playing golf, writing a blog post, making a YouTube video, publishing my upcoming book, leading men, walking my dog, going on a bike ride, I get to let my light shine. As I am one with my Soul, I get to stand in all my power, letting the weight of the world feel it. And if that makes someone uncomfortable, I will not apologize for letting my light shine bright.

This is the true meaning of Awakening Your Inner Power.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Troy Ismir

Soul-Centered Coach

www.innerpowercollective.com