The Art of Aloneness

I used to get sad—sometimes deeply depressed—around the holidays. After my divorce fifteen years ago, the season that was “supposed” to be filled with warmth and connection became a mirror for everything I felt I didn’t have.

Holidays with family were one thing. But the holidays I spent alone? Those were the darkest.

Feelings of failure washed over me. Old stories of being a victim of divorce resurfaced. And the loneliness crushed my spirit.

The world tells us that being surrounded by family is the only way to enjoy Thanksgiving or Christmas. And while that can be beautiful, it isn’t always reality.

Over time, I had to learn something most men are never taught:

The art of aloneness.

Why Aloneness Feels So Hard for Men

No one teaches us how to be alone with ourselves. No one teaches us how to sit with our heart without distraction. And no one teaches us how to see solitude as sacred rather than shameful.

So when holidays rolled around and I found myself alone, I interpreted it as failure. Brokenness. Not-enoughness.

But that story is a lie.

Being alone is not a failure. Being alone is a spiritual practice.

A Grocery Store Moment That Shifted Everything

Yesterday, while checking out at the grocery store, the clerk asked whether I was cooking for Thanksgiving.

“Yes,” I said. “For myself.”

He looked at me and said, “I’m sorry.”

I smiled, because he didn’t know the truth I’ve come to live:

I no longer wait for one day a year to feel grateful. Every day is Thanksgiving. Every day is Christ-mas. Every day is an invitation into Christ consciousness within me.

I don’t need an external circumstance to validate that.

How I’m Spending Thanksgiving This Year

On Thanksgiving morning, I’ll walk on the beach with Oakley, my loyal companion. I’ll call the people I love. And I’ll sit in meditation and give thanks for the gift of this precious life—whether I’m physically alone or not.

This didn’t happen overnight. It took years of inner work, reframing, forgiveness, and surrender.

If you’re not here yet, I get it. Truly.

If You’re Spending the Holidays Alone

Brother, if this holiday season finds you alone, listen closely:

You are not alone.

If sadness rises, feel it. If grief surfaces, breathe with it. If loneliness appears, don’t shame yourself.

But don’t drown in it either.

Instead, try this:

• Do something you love.

• Spend time in nature.

• Cook yourself a soulful meal.

• Write in your journal.

• Pray.

• Move your body.

• Sit in stillness.

• Celebrate the freedom to shape your day exactly as you desire.

This is the art of aloneness—a path back to your Self.

Over time, you will come to see what I now know:

Being alone can become a sanctuary of Self-realization.

For the Man Suffering in Quiet Desperation

Brother, if you are hurting right now, you do not have to suffer in silence.

This is why I’m here. This is the mission of Men of Presence.

The hardest sentence for a proud man to say is, “I need help.” But those words are the doorway into courage.

And you, brother—you are a courageous soul, even if you don’t feel like it today.

I have walked through the same darkness, and I know how blinding it can feel. But even the smallest crack of light can dissolve the deepest shadows.

If you need someone to walk with you—reach out. Let me hold the light until you remember the light within you.