The Pain and Healing of Self-Sabotage

I have to remind myself of this over and over again:It’s safe to be great.

It’s more than OK to let my light shine brightly. In fact, if I don’t, I’m betraying my Self—and I’m damn tired of betraying myself.

It really comes down to a personal choice.Am I going to let the conditioning of my past, born from the pain and ignorance of others, keep me small?

Am I going to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop when I shine in all of my glory?

In meditation the other day, the wounded six-year-old boy within me appeared—little Troy. I saw how much he had to carry. How early he learned it was his job to make sure Mom was OK. That isn’t how it’s meant to be between a mother and son, especially at the tender age of six.

I was expected to be perfect—just not more perfect than my mom. She needed to be the best. And yet, as enmeshment goes, her pride rested in me being her “golden child.” My perfection was her validation.

That’s the wound I’m healing now.

It still surfaces on the golf course as the chip yips—a subtle form of self-sabotage. I hit some amazing shots the other day, and a couple that weren’t. I didn’t let them bother me, but I noticed them. Because I know what they represent.

The ego, trying to protect me from failure. The old belief that it isn’t safe to fail. That if I’m not perfect, I’m bad. A failure.

These are deep, subconscious wounds that can only heal through awareness and love.That’s shadow work. It’s not about fixing ourselves—it’s about facing ourselves. The pain we suppress in the name of being “good” or “strong” is far worse than diving into the mess and meeting it with compassion.

I’ve done a lot of forgiveness work with my mom, and that continues to unfold. She’s now in the depths of dementia—a mirror of the confusion she carried within her. Her wounded little girl never felt loved for who she was. She didn’t know how to love herself, so she looked to her son to be her reflection of worthiness.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about freedom.As Jesus said, “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

That’s why I use golf as a platform for healing. For deep spiritual work. For soul evolution.

The vast majority of my shots are beautiful reminders of what’s possible—on and off the course. The more I heal, the more I step into my inner Power.

So, I ask you:What shadow are you suppressing?What old pattern of self-sabotage still plays out when you start to shine?And what platform—golf, art, fatherhood, work, relationships—could become your mirror for awakening?

This work isn’t easy. That’s why we’re not meant to do it alone—at least not at first.

If something in this letter speaks to you, reach out.Let’s walk this sacred path of healing and Self-realization together.